Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Joys of Camping!?!

We were fortunate to have Graham, Cherice and there kids come up to Utah to have a little vacation. We met in Moab to spend a couple days there. Moab was great, Camping is Fun, However…

Having lived most my life in Arizona i have visited the Scottsdale area where a lot of galleries portray many western scenes. It was actually in one of these galleries that we had to go as a class for an assignment, more like extra credit. on opening night they usually have food, Which is a bad mix when you put that in the hands of Andrea. The moment she put some in her mouth she did something where she coughed and sneezed at the same time. To me it looked like it hurt. However, i guess it is hard to hold food in your mouth when performing this unique trick. Food sprayed all over a water color western landscape that was composed quite well with the warm hues of a sunset, now mix with crackers and turkey. I couldn't help laughing, but the curator who saw it as well, wasn't. needless to say it wasn’t so funny after we saw the price tag. I Think they gave Andrea a discount though. Anyways, back to the story. So with these painting of a desert sunset with warm hues, one begins to become entranced and carried away into the picture and feel the emotion and moods of the scene. I guess it is here where they say a picture speaks a thousands Words. So with this in mind, let me paint you our picture of our first night camping in the desert under a warm sunset.

First off we need to back track to the car ride down to Moab. Melissa and i had a short conversation that went something like this.

Melissa: When i went to change Calvin early this morning, he was slimy. It wasn’t until later i found out he was covered in poo.

Steven: Wouldn’t that have been your first thought instead of later finding out?

Melissa: It was early!

Steven: Right.

-Flash forward-

The tent is set up. I am thinking to myself, “Steve you genius, way to bring an air mattress, and not just any air mattress the double thick and double cushy kind. No sleeping on the hard ground for us. Brilliant!”

Steven: Melissa, do you want the canopy put on in case it rains.

Melissa: no it’s clear skies and we can sleep under the stars.

Kim, our Aunt decided to sleep with us. She and Audrey are diagramed in the picture below. While Melissa and i take the mattress with Calvin. Here is the Layout. We will call this “BEFORE”.

arrangementHowever, because of a small leak. The brilliant Plan had a flaw. Eventually throughout the night, body positions that a chiropractor would not recommend, were starting to take shape. eventually i found myself staring at my knees, do to the double thickness of this mattress it became more awkward. Melissa still dead to the world of course.


Finally i had to let all the air out. so that i could at least lay down. I opened up the air flow thing, and slowly we deflated to the cold hard rocky surface that became our new bed. (This is a metaphor for this night by the way). And thus the night progressed.


Side note: I don’t like Calvin sleeping by me. In fact i don't like anybody sleeping by me. Which is why i have a king bed. i am on one side while Melissa is on the other. We don't touch. So sleeping next to Calvin is like sleeping next to and angry squid.

Eventually, the little sea urchin fell asleep. As did i. It was shortly after that i rolled over and placed my hand on Calvin.

You know that moment in ratatouille when Ego the food critic finally had the taste of the ratatouille, and was sucked back to his childhood? I had that same feeling, only i was sucked back to the conversation i had with Melissa in the car, Few words made sense in my head. Early morning, Slimy,…………………POO! My eyes Shot open instantly. About the same instant my head shot off my pillow. The boy was covered in slime. Without my contacts i went in for a closer look, hoping it was something else. Of course not why would it be. I didn't even need to get in that close, however, do to habit of morning blindness i could not help myself. The smell was horrid. In a panic i tapped Melissa to wake her from the dead. She had about the same reaction as well.

pooMess It was everywhere!!! The more i started to look the more panicked i became. there was no containing this mess. How long ago did he do this, and how many times? There was no end. The worst of it, i was laying in. Instantly we grabbed the wipes. That was useless though. It was like cleaning a car with a napkin.

throwupThe more we cleaned the more we found, and it didn’t even clean it. It was more of a smear. Poo was being smeared all over. There was no end. Eventually, from shear exhaustion we called it quits.



So we went our separate ways. Melissa took the somewhat cleaned sleeping bag and the child who i must call my own. Unfortunately, i was not so lucky. The mattress was Shot, the sleeping bag cover in this new found slime, (POO) and my blanket soaked with poo. I feel like i have not said Poo enough yet. By This point i didn't care. It was still dark, and i just laid there with the only thing to cushion me from the hard rocky floor was the tent bottom. with the night air as my only blanket. I kept thinking, i can not believe this just happened.

aftermathIt was just at this moment as i was staring up that i began to hear the pitter patter of rain drops descending down. Frantically, i got up and went out of the tent searching for our canopy. Finding this useless without contacts i gave up. With luck it shortly stopped raining. I went to go lay down. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry. It was at this time i was again laying down staring up at the heavens. I thought to my self, fine do your worst, and that is when it started to rain again.

moabThe Next morning.

moab-4All smiles today.

moab-11Mr. Poops

moab-16That's my girl !


Still it was a great trip and fun Times.


The Meador Family said...

HAAAAA HAAAAAAA HEHEEEEE, I am so sorry that sucks yet so funny. its one of thoes i'm glad its you and not me. fun pics though!

LucyH said...

Okay, that was HILARIOUS! It's one of those stories that was terrible at the time but now you can laugh about it, right??? Love the drawings!

Mariah said...

I LOVED your drawings! You had me laughing, and reconfirmed I will not be camping any time soon with kids. We called our oldest the Poopinator and Poop Cannon because he tended to do stuff like your little Calvin did. Fun that Graham and Cherise were able to come too.

Risa West said...


seriously though: hahahahahaha!!!

that is the funniest post and the best way to share a story like that. i was thinking that we should go camping when we come out, but maybe not ;)

Kendra said...

Awesome illustrations to go with a crazy story. You guys are troopers. I am not looking forward to this part of parenthood!

Christy Gunnell said...

Ha ha ha the diagrams Steven! They helped me really visualize this crazy outting. Seriously that was funny. You guys are sports for having a smile on your face the next day.

Liz Whitehorn said...

Loved it!! I was rolling on the floor laughing and the illustrations made all the better. Oh how I'm glad that I wasn't in your shoes, oh wait, wears the wood I better knowck on.
great pics.

Cherise said...

:) Graham and I were so relieved that it was not us! Things like this always happen to us. It's nice to be on the outside laughing :)

Well documented.

kelly said...

One of the posts says that it's nice you could have a smile on your face the next day... didn't you have something else on your face the next morning? eeeww.. I have to agree with all, it was funny...because it happen to you and not us ;-)

mak'n Changes said...

I love those pictures! Gawd I wanna take my son camping!

each day an adventure in alaska said...

was looking at my neices blog and hit next blog as i often do. thanks for the entertaining tale of poo! the illustrations were hilarious. i'm both disgusted and amused...laughed my butt off though.